I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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