I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
