Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
how does that bad decision feel?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
