Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
