My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
