u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
