At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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