I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
