Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
