remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
