So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
