Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
