she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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