Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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