Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
