judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
