Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
