I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
