While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
