Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
