hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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