It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
