so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
