if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
