i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
