i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
