I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
