My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Never joke about your clitoris.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
