I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
