so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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