i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
