she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
