Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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