sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
