there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
My cat gives me a boner
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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