tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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