Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
