it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
