Me. At least after what I've been through.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
