You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
