I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
