Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
