So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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