Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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