I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
