i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
