when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
