it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
