Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
