I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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